Go to Instapundit. Scroll down a few screens and on the right you’ll see the search box. Search for the phrase, “They told me if.”
Enjoy one of the Internet’s best running gags.
Teachers: “It’s 3 A.M. and I’ve thrown up five times. Maybe I should call in sick? But the juniors have that big project due today, and I want to be sure I hold them to it. Besides, a lot of them worked really hard and they want me to see their final product. And I have two parent conferences I need to be there for. And if I stay home sick, I’ll just have to go in for a bit anyway, because I’ll have to switch out half the materials for 3rd and 4th period for stuff the sub will be able to use. And I have three kids coming in for detention today–no way do they get off the hook! Plus, I’m doing my favorite lesson of the quarter with the sophomores and I don’t want to miss that, or push it back, or have a sub messing that up. …Oh! And I wanted to talk to those guys in 1st period about the game yesterday! *sigh* I’ll just go in. It’s too much hassle to take a day off.”
Students: “*Achoo!* Sweet! I have the sniffles. I’m gonna take a week off!”
A “Baned” book would be in much worse shape than a banned book.
Last week I saw a student open a paperback in that painful way that so many people do; the pages he’d already read were folded all the way around so that the front cover touched the back cover.
As he started reading, I said, “Dude, that book’s Batman and you’re pulling a Bane on him!” The student immediately got the reference and let the book go from this contorted death grip.
Scroll down for an explanation of the joke!
A bit of harsh language, but hilarious and spot-on: http://www.themillions.com/2014/01/dumbest-thing-ever-scribbling-in-the-margins-of-dan-browns-inferno.html
There’s just one law that we really need to make the world a better place:
Anyone wearing a t-shirt for a band must, at any time, upon being stopped in public and questioned, be able to correctly name three songs by that band within ten seconds. Anyone who doesn’t successfully pass this test must hand over the shirt to the questioner.
Sometimes I wish I ran the world.
The best thing about this joke is that, in order to make it work, I only have to write as well as a five-year-old.
This semester I had three sections of a remedial college writing class, where the final exam is graded by a committee of the teachers, who get to put in several hours outside of class this week doing so. Hooray, I’m on the committee!
Every college final exam always has that one person who stays to work on their test for an hour after everyone else has left. They only leave because time runs out. On Tuesday I had one such situation where the lights in the building automatically shut off at 10 PM. The student cheerfully continued writing until I said it was time to go.
Whenever I get an error message that says something like, “The object you are looking for doesn’t exist,” I’m suddenly filled with existential dread.
I know this is hardly new, but it’s great and I was reminded of it again this week when a student, giving a speech in class about (naturally) hating school, actually said that he wouldn’t be controlled by our system.
Just like the narrator of this song, who creates a perfect parody of this attitude: an arrogant rejection of some grand conspiracy to oppress him (a conspiracy which clearly doesn’t exist because, in the ultimate insult to the pompous sensibilities of the young, the mundane world is actually oblivious to their insignificant, predictable narcissism).
I was also reminded of this fantastic little Onion article from last summer.
From the next-to-last chapter, and illuminated by yours truly to augment the obviousness of the joke:
Now I’m in the middle of chapter 15 of Ulysses, and while it’s one of the densest, more incomprehensible sections, it’s also one of the funniest yet.
Written as a dramatic script, it’s largely a record of daydreams rather than conscious thoughts. As such, Bloom’s imagination runs freer than before, and the rambling fantasy, plus a growing penchant on Joyce’s part for whimsical puns, makes this chapter a delightful bit of foreshadowing for Finnegans Wake.
Maybe the best part of the chapter so far is the following, where Bloom’s delusions of grandeur–as contrasted with his almost pathetically meek actual self; an Irish Walter Mitty, as it were–find him presiding over a ridiculous bureaucracy. Joyce lists some mundane minutia in gloriously pompous detail (we’ve all seen government events and publications that take themselves this seriously–begging to be mocked), shares some clever wordplay, and even adds a pure joke at the end.
BLOOM My beloved subjects, a new era is about to dawn. I, Bloom, tell you verily it is even now at hand. Yea, on the word of a Bloom, ye shall ere long enter into the golden city which is to be, the new Bloomusalem in the Nova Hibernia of the future. (Thirtytwo workmen, wearing rosettes, from all the counties of Ireland, under the guidance of Derwan the builder, construct the new Bloomusalem. It is a colossal edifice with crystal roof, built in the shape of a huge pork kidney, containing forty thousand rooms. In the course of its extension several buildings and monuments are demolished. Government offices are temporarily transferred to railway sheds. Numerous houses are razed to the ground. The inhabitants are lodged in barrels and boxes, all marked in red with the letters: L. B. Several paupers fill from a ladder. A part of the walls of Dublin, crowded with loyal sightseers, collapses.) THE SIGHTSEERS (dying) Morituri te salutant. (they die) (more…)
A recent article includes college textbooks among the biggest consumer rip offs in America.
Releasing superfluous new editions is a favorite trick of publishers.
Why do we need brand new algebra books? Has there been some major breakthrough in the field of algebra lately? Some paradigm-shifting, cutting-edge research totally redefined that field and now the algebra books from 2010 are hopelessly obsolete?
Ditto for Shakespeare. What could possibly cause a legitimate demand for new editions of Shakespeare? It’s not like he’s written anything new lately. We could literally use the same Shakespeare textbooks we had 300 years ago.