Obama “Air” Conspiracy Revealed!

So a lot of conservatives have been making fun of Obama’s pre-Presidential directive requesting Americans to save gas by checking that their tires are properly inflated.  This may seem funny at first, but have we thought about the sinister motives behind this?

How does Obama stand to profit from telling us to use more air? 

“But air is free!” one might scoff.  Yes, but those air pumps at the gas station aren’t.  In fact, the little place down the road where I’ve filled my tires for years used to have a machine that charged a quarter.  Today, that place and most others like it charge a whole dollar.  That’s an inflation rate of 400%, people! 

Somebody’s getting fat off of the air dollars of struggling, working class Americans. 

Then, of course, there’s the ancillary equipment related to this endeavor: those air pressure gauges.  RNC operatives in Washington are giving those away as gags right now, but when the Obama administration jacks them up to fifty bucks a pop, you know who will be laughing then?

Big Air.  That’s right, America.  No more worries about Big Tobacco or Big Oil; Big Air is about to bankrupt us all as it makes Obama’s corrupt cronies in Washington even richer.  You don’t think he has connections that have some vested interest in the success of air?  They all breathe it, you know–him and his whole inner circle of good old boys!

And what about the increase in tire rotations this action will create?  Tire rotations are no walk in the park, friends; all automotive work is dangerous, and people will get hurt doing this dirty work.  How can Obama sleep at night knowing that he plans to send people’s cute little babies into the trenches to do the grunt work that will lubricate his plan, all while he kicks back in the White House dining room, quaffing his brandy and passing around the cigars?  No blood for air, Mr. Obama!

Hey, don’t call this baseless fear-mongering for political purposes.  I know, you liberals have never indulged in snide, sleazy smears about leaders making policy decisions for the benefit of shadowy sweetheart deals that have never been shown to have any merit even as theory, but just because you guys refuse to lower yourselves to such tactics because superficial coincidences in extended relationships present you with an opportunity to take cheap shots, doesn’t mean I won’t. 

More to come as we find documentation that will bust this libelous speculation wide open.

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