[NOTE: For those not familiar enough with The Simpsons to get the reference in the title of this post, please brush up here.]
Hello, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such popular Internet blogs as “This Obscure Rant About Issues Way Out Of My League Will DEFINITELY Make A Difference In Washington” and “Those Psychos At The Customer Service Desk At The Grocery Store Think They Can Refuse My Return And Not Suffer The Bad Press That’ll Drive Them Into Bankruptcy By The End Of The Week? I’ll Show Them!”.
But I’m not here tonight to accept adulation for my overwhelming impact on the lives of the many millions who have been blessed by my own writing. I’m here to shower such praise on the blog Gently Hew Stone, which is celebrating 138 posts of earth shattering importance. Nice round numbers like that always beg recognition.
Let’s start with a montage of gags from those first 137 bits of wacky goodness:
- Poorly spelled liberal math cult clueless parents blow championship game and monster slurpee green bowel movement.
Ha! Good times.
Now, let’s answer some of the questions that come up in reader mail!
- Nigel from Botswana asks, “What’s the secret of your endlessly productive imagination?”
Well, Nigel, the answer is quite simple: Be an absolute genius the second you’re born, and double your brilliance every day thereafter. Or, if you’re like me instead, steal.
- Gorganax of Andromeda IV asks, “Pop quiz! In the King James Version of the Bible, What’s the 46th word in Psalm 46, and what’s the 46th word from the end of Psalm 46?”
Duh, G. The answers are “shake” and “spear.” And that book of the Bible was translated in the year that Shakespeare was 46 years old. Happy birthday, Will!
- Solon from the 6th century B.C. asks, “What degree of happiness is it reasonable to ask for from the universe?”
Constant bliss. Nothing less. Dream out loud, dude.
- Paris Hilton from California asks, “What could I do to make the world a better place?”
See that chainsaw over there? Now, this might sting a bit at first, but…
OK! Well, wasn’t that just delightful? Next, we’ll enjoy these deleted posts that the executive censors around here didn’t think were quite ready for prime time:
- “How To Counterfeit The New $100 Bill With Nothing But Windex, Celery, And Toilet Paper”
- “Leaked Script For Dude, Where’s My Car? 2“
- “Irrefutable Documentary Evidence That Chicken McNuggets Are Made With Cloned Martian DNA”
- “Pictures of My Cute New Puppy”
I think we’re all glad that last one never saw the light of day.
Finally, let’s get a look at the secretive scribes behind the wit and wisdom, the poetry and prose, the magic and mayhem of it all. Now, the esteemed editorial board likes to pass themselves off online as these guys:
But, we regret to close this hootenanny by revealing the shocking truth that this blog is really run by these guys (scroll down, but don’t look too surprised–the quality of work on here really should have pointed you in the right direction):