Lord of the Rings Heroes As College Students

Before submitting my classes’ midterm grades on the registrar’s web page today, I had to view a short tutorial for the program. As it played, I noticed that the designers had used characters from The Lord of the Rings as their model students for the demonstration. This begs a few questions:

1. Is it really fair to fail Boromir? The hobbits certainly praised him later on. This teacher could justify letting him squeak by with that last minute extra credit he did.

2. Even if you blanch at the silly “hunk” moments in the film versions, it’s hard to justify giving Legolas a D, and he really can’t be given a grade that’s a full letter lower than Gimli. Is something personal at work, here? Sour grapes, perhaps?

3. How the heck do you justify making Gandalf a sophomore? If any of them is at least a graduate student, a TA, or even an adjunct working on his dissertation, it’s him. Really, this part is just cracked.

4. When I saw that the female characters are majoring in music and education, I wondered if sexism might be afoot, until I noticed that the men are also rather artsy around here. Nice touch making Gandalf a history major. Still, shouldn’t Eowyn be majoring in engineering, or some “hard” science like that?

5. It would have been nice to see some villains on here, too. Grima Wormtongue could be that smarmy cheater nobody likes. Definitely pre-law. The Witch King would be majoring in sports medicine (with a minor in marketing), and passing with flying colors. Saruman (freshman) changed his major from social work to focus on a future MBA. Alas, he drops out before he gets very far.

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