I’ve been wondering which of this summer’s moronic, eye-candy popcorn flicks will be crowned the big dumb event of the season. Will it be X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Terminator: Salvation, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, or G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra? (And when did colons and subtitles become standard fare for these special effects extravaganzas? What, are they too mature and artsy for X-Men 4, Terminator 4, Transformers 2, or just plain old G.I. Joe?)
But voting will not be necessary. We have declared a winner. Not that I have, will, or even have any desire to see any of these movies, there is no doubt in my mind that the worst movie of the summer is this direct-to-video abomination. How could it not be, when it features the ever so slightly less than stellar acting chops of Lorenzo Lamas and 80’s teen sensation Debbie “Electric Youth” Gibson?
*sigh* Maybe they’ll be so bad they’ll be watchable for the laughs. But is it really a good thing that our big summer event movies revolve around empty computer graphics and the hope that they might be so bad that we’ll remember them like Plan 9 From Outer Space?
Gently Hew Stone 
I feel terrible, because I have supported pretty much every terrible summer movie. Of the “bad” movies (many of which are made even worse by the fact that Star Trek so overwhelmingly and completely eclipsed these also-rans) I’d say that Wolverine was the “best”, or lacking other positive qualities, the least insulting. Terminator was bland, underwhelming, and completely unnecessary (as was Terminator 3, although luckily I didn’t pay for that). Transformers, being a beloved childhood franchise, was an abomination. Base, crass, and lacking anything resembling what a good action franchise should have. The Dark Knight deftly maneuvered it’s 2 1/2 hour run time (even though I know how you feel about it) while Transformers is crushed under it’s weight. I am literally stupider for having seen Transformers. Or maybe I saw Transformers because I’m stupid, I guess it’s a chicken and egg argument.
I think Debra Gibson is a lock to be in the inevitable Transformers 3.
You know what, old buddy? I think you’re on to something there–we could produce the world’s worst summer movie and make a trillion dollars. Let’s call it “X-Terminator G.I. Transformer Origins 4: Revenge of the Rise of the Wolverine Salvation.”
Actually, here’s an even better idea. I know you’ll love it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3sV4k-mNa0&feature=channel
And for the record, my opinion of The Dark Knight is that its apparently ambiguous moral code (both explicit and implicit) made me uncomfortable. I admit that it’s a debatable, subjective position (one that I’m still shaky about since I absolutely loved the recent film Taken, which also had a starkly pro-torture theme), but at least The Dark Knight was an excellently made film–that much is undeniable. It was a fine work of cinematic art, and I did enjoy it at that level. All things considered, I’d rather a movie be philosophically questionable than insultingly juvenile.