Why I Always Hated Shopping For Cribs

Clerk: May I help you, sir?

Me: Yes, I’ll take this model crib, please.

Clerk: That one? Let me show you our deluxe model, over here. It has advanced safety features, that make it far superior to the cheaper model you were looking at.

Me: So it’s safer? Does that mean that the crib I was looking at is unsafe?

Clerk: Oh, no! All of our cribs are perfectly safe! But this one just has extra features that make it even more safe!

Me: So there’s less of a chance of my baby getting hurt in the fancy crib?

Clerk: That’s right!

Me: That means there’s some chance that my baby could get hurt in the cheaper crib. Why would you sell a crib that isn’t safe?

Clerk: No, no, no. That crib over there is absolutely safe, but this one is even better than that.

Me: (pauses) The cheaper crib is safe, though? It doesn’t pose a danger to the baby?

Clerk: Yes, sir. That’s right, sir.

Me: Great, I’ll take the cheaper crib.

Clerk: (sigh) Yes, sir.

Shopping for car seats goes much the same way.

2 comments on “Why I Always Hated Shopping For Cribs

  1. And baby carriages; even tires: We had a campaign, where a manufacturer of car tires, who was known for high prices, offered some tires with the slogan “You can’t put a price tag on security!”

    People will always find an excuse — it doesn’t necessarily look and sound like keeping up with the Joneses, but that’s what it is… they’ll explain how many great features their new crib has, but the main message is, “look, I boughht the more expensive one.

  2. But then it’s true that sometimes the cheapo models from Xxxstan aren’t built to any specifications known to us, and can be dangerous. These often look nice, though, and have a price tag big enough to give me a heart attack…

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